we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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