guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
