Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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