am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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