I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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