Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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