well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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