I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
