There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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