I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
