I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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