Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
bring money and cleavage
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
