Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just puked most of my soul out..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
