What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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