I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
