Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
