Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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