Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
