Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
