Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Couch. On fire.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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