I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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