I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
