There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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