If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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