I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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