Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
