I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
