When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
