New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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