I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
