She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
