It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
