the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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