I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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