Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
