When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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