he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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