So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
