I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
