You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
