i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
