Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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