There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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