it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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