ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
