Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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