"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize