my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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