fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
