This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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