isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
