consequently i now know what mace tastes like
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
