I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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