thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
