I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
