u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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