i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
