Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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