My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
