I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
