yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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