you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think my moral compass just broke
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
