we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my shit smells like andre
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
