Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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