He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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