you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
