You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize