you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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