My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
