RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
