party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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