i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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