Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
