the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
