apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
