Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
